Why the best speaking sounds like YOU!
Voice in the Room is 10 this year!
😱 I know!!
I’m saving that story for December though, when it’s official, and there’ll obviously have to be some sort of cake involved because ten years feels like it deserves cake, doesn’t it!?!
But it did make me think back to when I first set up the business, because someone said to me, “You need a strapline Jo, you know, like a slogan.”
And I remember scratching my head and asking, in what was probably a slightly confused but I’ll take any advice going sort of way, “Do I?”
Because having spent ten years as a barrister, I knew a lot about speaking, advocacy, standing up in rooms, reading people, preparing properly, thinking on my feet and dealing with the slightly terrifying reality of all eyes being on you.
But I didn’t really have a clue about business.
So I took the advice at face value and came up with:
Your Voice.
Your Style.
Your Way.
In about five minutes flat, and without a great deal of thought.
And then I did absolutely nothing with it, apart from putting it on some business cards I rarely use. That was, until someone in a training session the other day pointed out that everything we’d done together linked back to that phrase…
Your Voice.
Your Style.
Your Way.
And I had one of those lovely full-circle, ahh yes! moments, because I suddenly reconnected with those six words and realised that, actually, everything I say about speaking does relate to them.
It runs through me like a stick of rock.
Because we do our best speaking when we speak as our genuine selves, without trying to do it how we think it “should” be done, or trying to sound like someone else, or trying to squeeze ourselves into a version of speaking that might look impressive from the outside but doesn’t feel anything like us on the inside.
And that word Your is important, I think, because it gives us ownership. It’s not about borrowing someone else’s voice, copying someone else’s style, or polishing and flattening the way we speak until all the interesting edges have gone. It’s about finding what’s yours, and learning how to use it well. Your voice, your style, your way.
And then, right on cue of course, King Charles beautifully demonstrated each mini phrase in action with his speech to the Joint Meeting of Congress in Washington, whilst he and The Queen were on their State Visit to the US. Now, I am not suggesting we should all speak like King Charles, please don’t, but because there was something very clear in the way he spoke that I think is worth noticing…..
Your Voice
Charles spoke how he speaks.
He didn’t try to reduce his accent just because the audience was American, or because people might have thought he sounded too posh, too British, too formal, or whatever else people might decide to say about it.
It was there on full show.
And I think that matters, because so many of us start editing our own voice before we’ve even opened our mouths. We worry we’re too northern, too southern, too posh, too flat, too quiet, too much, not enough, too serious, too informal, too this, too that…. and before we know it we’re trying to speak in a way that doesn’t really belong to us at all.
But your voice is part of how people connect with you. It’s part of your presence. It’s part of what makes you recognisable. And of course we can learn to use it well, and project it, and pace it, and make sure people can actually hear us, but we don’t have to erase it in the process.
Your Style
Charles also spoke as himself, in his own unique style, with his own speaking energy.
He embraced the formality of the occasion, because of course he did, but he also allowed in lighter moments of humour and understanding, and I thought that was such a good reminder that style doesn’t mean being fixed in one mode the whole time.
It doesn’t mean deciding, “I’m a serious speaker” and therefore never allowing any warmth in, or “I’m a funny speaker” and therefore never letting anything land with weight, or “I’m not a natural presenter” and therefore writing yourself off before you’ve even started.
Your style has range, and good speaking often comes from knowing how to use that range in a way that fits the room, the message and you. Some people are naturally big-energy speakers, and some people are calmer. Some people are funny, some are thoughtful, some are very direct, and some are brilliant because they make everyone in the room feel immediately at ease. And thank goodness for that, because the world would be a very dull place if we all stood up and spoke in exactly the same way!
Your Way
And then there’s your way, which is the bit where you actually have to own what you want to say.
Charles spoke with courage and clarity. He knew what he wanted to say, and he didn’t seem to shy away from saying it, but because he was speaking in his own voice and in his own style, it didn’t feel forced or performative.
And I think that’s the bit that makes speaking work. It’s not about trying to be perfect, or ticking every imaginary box of what a “good speaker” is supposed to do. It’s about finding the way of saying what needs to be said that feels aligned with you, the room and the message. Because when your voice, your style and your way are all pulling in the same direction, people feel that. There’s a congruence to it. It feels like you mean it. It feels like you’re there, properly there, not hiding behind too much detail, too much polish, or too much trying to get it right.
And that, for me, is where the good stuff is.
Because we all speak differently.
Thank goodness!
The world would be a very dull place if we didn’t.
So this month there are no tips specifically.
Not really.
It’s more of an invitation to see if you can embrace the Voice in the Room slogan, which, quite hilariously, I came up with in five minutes and then largely ignored for the best part of a decade. 🤦♀️
Find your voice.
Embrace your style.
Speak your way.
Learn all the tools, listen to others, work out what works for you, and practise, practise, practise, absolutely.
But ultimately, make sure you speak as you.
Because as Oscar Wilde once said:
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
And never was this truer than when it comes to speaking.
Want your team to get better at this kind of speaking?
If you’d like help with this kind of speaking, for yourself or for your team, you can get in touch via the form below, or drop me a line at contactme@jodarby.co.uk or message via LinkedIn.
You can also find out more about Jo’s corporate group training via Voice in the Room.